The cover of the book “Ace” by Angela Chen


I am a sex-indifferent asexual who has been dating and identifying as ace for 11 years now. I have never been comfortable starting sexual activities; I am okay with physical touches like hugs and cuddles. However, I have found that even if I tell people I am ace up front, they still try to pressure sex on me. How early into dating do I tell a person of my asexual? How do I have conversation with them about their desired/needed sexual activity frequencies? I feel like I do this as best I can and yet endless get people who think they can “fix” me or “convince me to enjoy it.”

— Frustrated and Lonely in USA

Dear Frustrated and Lonely,

First, your feelings are incredibly valid. You mentioned that you’re navigating this conversation the best you can and it seems like people aren’t taking your point of view seriously and don’t believe you. How frustrating, indeed!

Ultimately what you’re asking is when and how to have…

Queer Dating Coach, Ariella Serur

Ariella is a Queer Dating Coach who helps kind, queer folks navigate the dating pool, so they have the courage to go after what they want in dating and in life.

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